Writings by Esther Stephanie

  Beautiful and kind and soft as a rose But her heart is heavy and her gaze somewhat cold She works and she smiles and she washes our clothes But she screams to the dishes when nobody's home "I love you, I love you, I love you, you know But I'm tired of crying and coping alone" Beautiful and bitter and a heart made of stone My mother is hopeless so I pick up the phone I work and I smile and I wash our clothes While mother is waiting for a love still unknown

  Lovers trick and angels lie But a devils face is known far and wide Pain is painted with your smile But a tear is one you can never hide   We’ll play pixies in the night We’ll laugh and bask in our delight But when we strike the final match I’ll cut you first in our great fight   For, a friend can fool like a foe And a foe, play a friend But safety stays when lovers leave And alone is always best, in the end

My anger has been stolen by the stars For an angel came and plucked it out of my heart I try to hold gratitude for divine intervention bestowed upon me But the world is dulled, so I search wide and far Praying once more the angel graces my path   The days go by, bleakly so I stroll through the graveyard of gods' stolen souls And there she lay, her ineffable purity exuding from the reaches of hell "It's you, the star I prayed to once more know, You trapped me in a dormant waking, for my anger made me whole."   Alas, the angel stared, her eyes shone with luminescence so beautifully blinding But she left me, in the same state of angerless woe And here I stay, emotionless, alone  

Rivers run faster when somebody cries Waters weep from the sky when somebody dies The old records and cigarette-stained books are packed away We shut the door on all the memories you made One of us is crying, while the others wipe their tears and make sure respects are paid The car is heavy with our hearts The children wonder what would be if you'd stayed I didn't know you as I hoped And my eyes rarely met your gaze But I love you, I'm sorry that you've gone And in the ground your body lays

The day ruptures. Suddenly, oceans of decades past pour out Organs sink to the floor; the water in the room rises She longs to scream for help, but her tongue has been cut   The pages of her hopeful future are sodden with tears that bear no shout She is without anger, in the crashing fear she capsizes Surging and suffocating, the ocean is vengeful, and all escapes are shut   Her air is stolen   The water whispers, ‘it’s your fault, you know what I’m about.’ For some sweet seconds she escapes, hiding in days she romanticises Can I live hidden? She thinks, for her heart cannot jut   But the rivers run too deeply to disappear for long   She prays the past will be forgotten and along will come a drought And yet the water always rises Her lungs fill up with poisoned seas; she drowns, i mprisoned in her rut

You said stay and I did on the promise that you'd care You said try and I did until there was nobody there You said “forever?” and I said, “forever and always, I swear.” But now sofas are getting sold and nobody's growing old Because we're stuck on a loop replaying and rethinking what I could've said, or how you could've tried Until everything is too much and there's no reason to survive I said stay and you did on the promise that I’d care I said try and you did until there was nobody there I said “forever?” And you said, “forever and always, I swear.” But I miss our walks round quiet tree lined paths Because we were good, no great most of the time it wasn't even hard In fact it was amazing when you would tell me about your day and we would always have a laugh We said stay and we did until one day we couldn't bear We said try and we did until we were strangers that still cared We said forever, but I just turned around, and nobody was there ...